Tuesday, August 30, 2011


So it's pretty obvious that I've abandoned my night job in the last few weeks. I've been really busy, but I have kind of been thinking about going back. We'll see....

Anyway, so apparently my stories are totally newsworthy! I got a text from a friend of a friend today basically saying they want to run a story about me & working in a strip club in my school newspaper. I agreed to talk to them if they don't include my name in the article. Yeah! Here's part of what the girl I've been in contact with had to say: "Remember to be thinking about all details that include the senses. So any sounds, smells, things you've seen. I have permission to get all of the dirty details." Awesome. Rest assured, dear friends, nothing will be held back. 

I am talking/interviewing tomorrow. I'll keep yall posted!

Monday, July 25, 2011


Hey all. Sorry I've been such a lazy bitch about updating this blog. I've also been lazy about going into work. Lately I've just been going in on Mondays because, well....the weekends are just so fun! I haven't been able to go out during the week since I've been in summer school.

Last Monday was so slow that from about 10:30 to midnight we had ZERO customers. No kidding. For a while  I changed into my normal clothes because the non-dancer employees were chillin out front. It was sooo boring. Luckily I ended up making about $150 because a regular who I hadn't met before came in & bought some dances.

I'm going into work tonight & possibly this weekend, then I'll be on vacay for a couple weeks.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Day 15 - Too Many Titles

Last night was a really slow Friday night. As of 11:30 here were still only a few people in the club, but I swear every single one of them was...interesting? I had too many stories & quotes to come up with a single title. Here's a preview: there was foot fetish guy, inappropriate touching guy, midget in a kilt guy, & male stripper guy...

Oh yeah, here's a bitchy text I got from a girl I work with at my other job:
"I have a bright future while you are already on your way of being a slut and striping for ugly ass old men your whole life".

First of all, I don't know what it means to be "on your way of." It's also unclear what "striping" is. my response? Learn how to spell, stripper is spelled with two p's.

"I like feet."
Two words: foot fetish. I hadn't had a dance yet nor had I had any luck getting anyone to buy a VIP wristband for private dances. So when I saw a guy with a wristband sitting alone, who I was sure was not in the middle of talking to any other girls (I try not to step on any toes), I went over & sat with him. We did the generic small talk thing for about a minute before he asked me for a dance. Delighted, I obliged (duh), but then came the surprise...I'm not much of a tits man, but I really like feet. Does that freak you out? I used the best cheery-yet-non-judgmental-yet-sexy voice I could muster and told him that of course it didn't freak me out. It was half way through a song so I went ahead & led him back to VIP. Typically, when you take a customer back part of the way through a song, you just sit together & flirt or whatever until the next song starts, so he doesn't pay full price for half a song. So we sit down next to each other & I take off my shoes & drape my legs over his, which is pretty normal. Remembering that he's a foot guy I took one foot & just started rubbing it along his inner thigh, eventually with the other foot following. No big deal, I thought, I can rub my feet on this dude for a couple minutes. Well, when the next song started I asked him what he wanted, not knowing if he wanted a normal lap dance or what, since he's not a tits man. He told me he really likes to give foot massages and would love it if I could rub my foot on his crotch. so he massaged one foot while the other one rubbed on his dick. This went on for the whole song. At the end he said "so that was 2 dances (if that's what you want to call it), $40 right?" Awwweesoommmmmmmmeeee... 

So basically, I got paid to rub my feet on a dude & get a foot massage for no more than 7-8 minutes, and he paid me $40 for it.

"You like Asian man?"
This, my friends, is inappropriate touching guy. A group of 3 or 4 guys came in (Asians, if it matters & if you hadn't guessed from the quote above) & nobody had talked to them yet so I went over and sat down. They were all around my age & in college. I was talking to one guy who seemed very interested in getting a private dance. He got a wristband within a few minutes and I didn't even have to sell him on it. I was wearing a two-piece outfit with a thong on underneath the (less revealing) bottoms. Obviously I took of my top when we got to VIP but I waited on the bottoms, planning on turning around mid-song to show off my ass as I took them off. Turns out that I didn't need to get halfway through the first song to realize this guy was super touchy. He didn't ask so I decided to keep the extra layer on. Besides, he was more focused on my tits than my ass. First of all, he kept biting my nipples, which was kind of annoying but it also really turns me on, & even though it's against the rules I usually let it slide as long as it's gentle. Every once in a while I would just pull away & lift myself up, shaking my crotch in his face (which my long legs let me do). After two songs he asked how much he owed me so far & I told him..."$40 already?" He said. Uh, yeah motherfucker.

We took a break after the 2nd song & one of the girls I'm friends with was sitting in the seat across from us also taking a break with the guy she was with. We were talking to each other more that we were our customers. She has really small boobs (A cup) & she was telling me that she loooves mine (34B). I was shaking them around & playing with them. She asked me if she could touch him & I was like yeah, of course (hello, I'm half naked in a strip club!). She came over & gave them a good squeeze & a delighted squeal. "They almost feel fake!!!" Hahahah...that cracked my shit up.

Okay, back to the customer. In the brief period that I actually talked to him during our break song he kept asking me if I liked Asian guys, would I ever date an Asian guy, do I like to hang out with Asian guys, etc. It was weird but whatever. I complimented him & told him he was very, very sexy. (Because when in character I am a fucking liar). Anyway, so during the second song his attention moves from my breasts downward. He went for a touch on the outside of my silver and red striped bottoms. I quickly grabbed his hand and put it on my ass (where it's allowed to be), slyly smiled, and shook my head no. Technically I guess he wasn't breaking any rules, which basically say a guy can't put his hand inside your panties, but it still wasn't going to fly. Not 30 seconds later & this guy goes in for another feel down there...only this time his hand slipped inside. Luckily, it only breached one layer & the thong underneath was blocking him from from my lucky charms. Even more quickly than the last time I grabbed his wrist as tight as I could, and as aggressively as I could I forced his hand to the side, grabbed his other wrist, stopped grinding, and said with a totally serious/straight face, "Don't fucking do that again."

Needless to say, he didn't buy another dance. Asshole. Later another girl stormed out of VIP mid-song because he tried to pull the same shit with her & I guess kept trying after she said no the first time. At the end of the night our manager on duty duty declared to all dancers that "this is not a whore house." She was referring to inappropriate touching do you like asians guy.

The male stripper returns
In one of my first posts I talked about having a shitty night & making no money, but meeting a really hot guy who happened to be a male stripper. I like him so much (he's my age, same school, funny, hot etc.) that I gave him my number. He never called. Last night Mr. Jack Hammer (stage name hahahah) himself turns up at the club. It didn't click exactly who he was at first, but I definitely recognized him. He was sitting on the opposite side of the room when the waitress came over to tell him he requested me specifically. I wrapped up my convo with the guy I was sitting with who I was pretty sure wasn't going to spend money & headed over there. But by the time I got to where he was sitting he was gone. The waitress told me she saw him heading towards the restroom, so I just sat down. When he returned he had a huge grin on his face. He apologized for never calling me before & told me that there were only 9 numbers in my phone number and that he felt like an idiot. I forgave him, he bought me a drink, & all was well. At the end of the night I gave him my phone number again & this time it actually worked. He wants to hang out, but even better he wants me & a group of friends to watch him & his other male stripper friend perform so we can critique them. Hmm...I think we might be able to work something out.

All in all, last night wasn't a great night for money. But there were plenty of interesting characters and, as you know (if you made it this far), lots of crazy stories. I guess that's okay.

Money made after tip out: $117

Monday, June 27, 2011

Slowing It Down

So earlier today I was thinking about quitting. The only reason was that I haven't worked in over a week & I haven't had any specific desire to go in or missed it at all. I decided, however, just to cut back & only work a couple nights a week.

I really don't need the extra money that much & considering how many nights I didn't make money, I don't think it's worth working 5 nights each week when I only make good money a few of those nights. So, I have decided that I will probably just go in on Mondays (they're usually pretty good) & on weekend night.

Talk to yall this weekend.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Day 14 - Whaddup, Thailand?

Hey everybody, so I have been a lazy poster, as my friend who is visiting Thailand reminds me of just about every day. Hey, friend!

Last weekend kinda sucked, and I haven't been working this week. Last Thursday I barely made tip out. It was really frustrating because we didn't have very many customers, but at the beginning of the night we only had 4 girls, so it was manageable. Well, we ended up having 9 dancers, so basically the place was overcrowded with hustlers. I made maybe $20. So not worth it. I decided I'm not going in on Thursdays anymore. Also, this was my friend's night to drive, but she ended up getting too wasted so I had to drive her car. I was pretty pissed since this happens on a regular basis.

Friday was... a little better? Well, not really considering it was a Friday. How do I manage on Monday to make almost 3x the amount that I make on Friday? I made around $150, which sucks. You might be thinking "Really, bitch...you're complaining about only making $150 in one night?" But think about it, you'd be pissed to if you were working your ass off on the pole half naked shaking your boobies in random guys' faces all night. Don't I deserve a little more than that? I'm tall & skinny & pretty. Conceited, I know, but it's just the truth.

Another thing my friend did to piss my shit off on Friday: stealing customers. Okay, it was only one customer, but still. Fuck. There was a bachelor party that night & these dudes are obviously gonna be spending money. I was talking to one guy & then my friend came over. Here's how the conversation went:

Her: Will you order me a shot?
Me: Sure, can I borrow a garter? (note: mine got stolen the weekend before & I haven't replaced it)
Her: Yeah, go grab it out of my bag!
Me: Okay, I'll be back in one second. (we were sitting right by the dressing room)
Her: I'm gonna sit with him. (looking me straight in the eye)
Me: Don't...

Well when I came back, my so-called friend was sitting with this guy who I had been working on for a good 20 minutes. Needless to say I didn't buy her a drink. She was all over him & he was sooo into it because she's good at turning up the slut, especially when she's shit wrecked. So yeah, I didn't even try to confront her then. I just went to the dressing room, dumped the rest of my flask of vodka into my water, & started bitching about her to a couple of the other girls. Sure, talking about her wasn't the most mature thing....but HELLO, SHE STOLE MY CUSTOMER (who by the way ended up buying lap dances, and I later found out, fingered her and ate her out in VIP). Anyway, wouldn't you be pissed, too?

I didn't mention before that I did NOT carpool with her that night, because I was still peeved from the night before. Another friend & I went in early, so by the time she texted me about when we should head in I was already there. Later, she was so fucking wasted that she could barely even stumble out of her stripper thong & get tip out to the bar. Well, obviously she couldn't drive.

The manager was like "Karma, are you gonna take her home."
Me: "No. She's not my responsibility & I'm not her babysitter. I didn't drive her so I wouldn't have to deal with her bullshit."
..."Okay, well do you want to set up your schedule for next week?"
"No, I can't come in til next weekend. I have a test Friday." (which is true)

Yeah, so basically last weekend was pretty much bullshit.

Oh yeah, and my friend ended up quitting. I'm quietly celebrating.

Money made after tip out: $142

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Day 11 - Someone's gonna get hit

The last week has been up and down. I haven't been posting because I started summer class, so between that, my two jobs, and my rapidly dwindling social life, I haven't exactly had time.

This past weekend was terrible. It was the slowest weekend we've had in a while, so I heard. Saturday was exceptionally shit. First, at the very beginning of the night a new girl had a seizure. Thirteen, I repeat thirteen paramedics came. (My friend told me when she worked at a restaurant a girl had a seizure & 2 paramedics came...go figure). The club was dead the rest of the night. I don't know if this is why, but you never know. The girl was fine, by the way.

Also, since I was running short on time (we have to be on the floor ready by 7:30) I didn't put on my garter or jewelry until I went out, got a drink, & went back to the dressing room. When I got back my garter was gone. Really? You're gonna steal my $5 garter? Why don't you just ask someone, I bet there's at least one person with an extra you could borrow. I didn't say anything because I thought maybe it was at home (it wasn't) & borrowed a friend's

Before it got super late I had made almost $100, so I thought it would be a pretty good night besides the seizure & the garter incidences. Oh, was I wrong. The bar will give you a Crown Royal bag to carry around & put your money in. This bag never should leave your sight. Well, I wasn't used to carrying one, it was probably the 2nd or 3rd time I did, & I slipped. I was in the dressing room touching up my hair & makeup. The bag was on the counter & I walked out without it. Before I realized it, the bag was gone. I was so upset I cried. I've never cried at work, except once when I had just found out my grandmother had just passed away.  I got myself together and made most of that money back, but making around $100 on a Saturday is shit. I could have made double that, which is still shit, but better.

Needless to say I learned my lesson and it will absolutely never ever happen again EVER.

Monday night was better! I walked away with almost $300, which I consider a success. I found this old man to talk to & ended up making over $200 (probably closer o $250) from him. At first when I sat down he said he had to leave soon, but could I give him a couple of private dances? Sure, why not? Well, first he got 3 dances & I had to go on stage. He said he had to return a phone call (which was weird since he was old and it was late at night) but he might be able to come back. Okay.

Well, he came back. He got 6 more dances, almost came in his pants, & tipped me $50. Cha-ching, yeah!

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. This dumb bitch I was friends with a couple years ago tried to tell MY friends that I do cocaine. Um, excuse me? First of all, I've never done anything like that, second of all, you do all the time, & 3rd how are you gonna tell MY FRIENDS that bullshit!? I was pissed at first, but then when I realized she's crazy & nobody believes anything she says, especially when it's a blatant lie....I was over it.

I had last night off because I had a test today & I never work on Wednesdays. It's really nice to have a couple days off!

Total made after tip out (Day 11) - $296

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Day 06 - You know you're a stripper when...

You know you're a stripper when you get pissed about only making $155 in a night. Shit, I'm pretty sure I've made paychecks in a 2 week pay period that small. I should not be complaining. I mean, I've only been doing this for a week.

So, I may have mentioned before that I've been told to get my money before lap dances, and that some of the other girls said they never do. Well, I decided that I should definitely listen to management because they know what they're talking about. Last night there was a guy in the club in town for just one night for business. He got a dance in VIP & evidently she didn't get her money ahead of time, because I'm sitting at the bar and I see him bolting out the door & her running after him. Motherfucker got away, too. I didn't ask how many dances she got jipped out of. (Some of you may be thinking "why wasn't there a door guy?" It was a Tuesday night and we had 3 customers at the time. We only (usually) need a door guy on the weekends when it's busy). 

There was this guy at the club last night who claimed he didn't drink (even though he was drinking beer...I just went along with it). Anyway, so he supposedly hadn't drank in however many years because he just doesn't like it, but he said he likes to get/see people drunk. Okay, so I let him buy me a drink and a shot. Which he makes a double. Then about 2 sips into my beer and 30 seconds after the first shot, which was patron by the way, he orders another shot AND beer! Wtf, right? I thought it was really weird but I just went along with it...there were more employees there than customers & we were sitting at the bar so I felt pretty safe.

We eventually went to VIP. He bought several dances, and throughout ever song he would pull out a $1 & give it to me like, every 15-30 seconds. Dude was crazy, I really don't know. Anyway, I ended up making most of my money off of him & getting shwasted. Thanks, dude who doesn't drink but drinks beer.

The bad news: I drove me & my friend to the club.
The good news: She wasn't drunk, so she drove my car.

I think I need to give an update on all my bruises/injuries.

  • Places I've been bruised:
    • foot
    • shin
    • inner thighs
    • arms
    • hand (I swear)
    • tits
  • Other shit:
    • My feet are all fucked up, naturally
    • I smacked my foot into the pole trying to go upside down last night
    • Some guy bit my nipple & actually broke skin...it was hard for 3 days, no joke.

About being drunk at work. I enjoy drinking a lot. I'm 21 & in college. Most of the time when I'm at work, though, I just drink water most of the time. But a couple times (last night, tit biting night) I took it a little too far I think. I could still dance, with serious concentration, and I wasn't making a fool of myself or anything. But I let some dude bite my tit. And I was unaware of how much money I had, which is definitely not good. 

So basically I decided that I'm gonna do a better job of limiting myself and not giving into the pressure of people like the guy who doesn't drink but wants to get me shitfaced. 

Money made after tip out: $143